I jacked off with the cucumber and then made that fatass a salad.
dinner with the girl I motorboated last semester wasn't as awkward as I thought it would be
Important life lesson - flammable and inflammable mean the same thing
you wanted the guy to gift wrap the condoms
So you used a whole package of smoked meat last night. Didn't eat it, just took it out and put it all over the fridge.
thats the sluttiest christmas spirit ever.
The guy I wanted to make out with just got beat up, let's roll.
btw, do you remember scaling that porch last night?
His flight is delayed. Mother Nature is delaying me from sex.
i just got referred to as "the Loch Ness Cockster". God bless my Scottish heritage.
The ride home was alright, we hooked up in the street next to his car after he smashed into the guard rail
Somehow my family started talking about sex toys at breakfast.
we f'd six times
f'd?
its sunday, i cant say fucked
i found you passed out on the floor with a half-eaten pie. i figured youd be the last person to care if i went and banged your sister
Once my new license was put into my hand, a light from the heavens shined down and pauly D's voice was in my mind saying ohh yeaaah 21 yeaaah
Randomize
