watching a tv show about cocaine.. just explained to my mom why the test monkey chose coke over food
i have a dinosaur tramp stamp
he held my hand while i was giving him head. freud's gotta be turning over in his grave
she always winds up in the cupboards its nothing new.
Step 1: drink. 2: drink more. 3: go for it. 4a: success. 4b: drink more. 5. drink. 6. go for other girls. 7. drink more. Sound good?
When boys buy condoms it makes me feel proud of their mothers for doing a good job
There comes a time where you just have to sit back and watch the drunken idiots pee on each other
Then I hope you find a set of extremely intelligent, flexible triplets in the ethnicity of your choice.
That is the nicest thing anyone has ever wished for me
Mark just took 50mg Viagra. Tonight should be interesting for the neighbors.
This 35 year old just told me that he was headed to the dance floor and it was about to get real dangerous......was that an invite?
I lost my voice. So I'm going to pretend I'm Ariel with legs today.
We stole a Christmas tree from the student center and then decorated it with everything we stole from parties... All I have to say is Feliz Navidad!
She fucked my eyebrows.. I've never had that done before.
Wait... Plucked, or Fucked?
Fucked, but I understand your need to clarify
Apparently I’m a terrible influence when alcohol is involved
He literally shouted this Viking war cry when he cam. Then as we laid there he sang me the most beautiful rendition of " When Irish Eyes are Smiling". I've never been more confused.
Randomize
