i watch way too much csi for them to even pretend to be my friend.
Ordered weed last night from the delivery service, and who showed up...my old real estate broker. He said, "this is less stressful." Duh.
as my niece was drinking milk out of a crown royal glass i realized i dont think i've ever bought a glass that didnt come with a bottle of liquor....
he bit the head off a dead goose for 5 beers. this is my future boyfriend.
They had half off shots during the fourth quarter. I was powerless.
just start off by saying "hey, i cockblocked my friend last night and need to make it up to him, could you help?"
I poured everyones drinks into the ice bucket and then stuck my face in it. Apparently I'm a greedy drunk.
Ohmygod. I don't know if I can explain how great it'll be. I hope you don't mind Subaru sex
Weed is now completely legal in Colorado and Washington. I repeat weed is now legal! I'm putting a deposit down on a house as we speak.
ROADTRIP.
Just took a piss in some random bushes in a traffic jam and had to sprint back to the car. I'm a boss.
You puked on the bar then proceeded to walk out. I told the bartender some girl walked up, puked and left and he gave me a free drink. Hope you got home safe.
literally 50% of my time being 20 has involved my genitals thus far
I was thrusting to the beat of Felix Navidad..
I know it's going to be a good day because he didn't notice the bite mark on my butt.
So Saturday night after 10 drinks I guess he tried to have sex with me and in the middle of it I asked "can you tell I'm faking it!?" and then I sat up and threw up in my hand. That's a sex Win in my books
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