Are we in a gay sports bar?
I must have had a great time last night.. I woke up with coconut oil all over my glasses
He seems like he has feelings, which is completely unacceptable; esp for a boy in college.
So, apparently I made everyone omelets last night. Even when I'm drunk, I'm still a trophy wife.
I said make yourselves at home, not to put a used condom on my ceiling fan.
I'm ultimately at thr Shariton to drink and ppssibly puke on fancy shit. Thats my story and Im sticking to it.
Don't bother coming over to clean the mess. I already paid two kids 5 bucks for it, just didn't tell them you peed all over the place. You do owe me 5 bucks though
They reenacted the scene from the lion king where mufasa talked to simba from the clouds. As high as they were they got it word for word. There has to be an award for that.
well... I just junk punched a carnie. Doesnt matter how, it still counts for my bucket list.
My roommate was being an ass so I put everyone's drinks/shots on his tab for the entire night. Then when we left he was telling me how he got out cheaper than last time.
I walked around with red solo cups on my feet, weeds tied around my neck and a tree in my hand
Lmfao. We asked what you wanted to eat and you said vagina. I don't care what kind. Fresh, barbecue, roasted on a camp fire. I just want it on my taste buds.
the bright side of moving is at least my Tinder options will refresh
I had sex in the bed of a guy who owns a house last night so I feel like this is a significant step up from car sex in the parking lot of a library
If I didn't have booty calls, my apartment would never get clean
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