i like that octo mom she is my favorite xmen
puking up blue gatorade is not as nearly as much fun as it sounds
Either seal the deal or get out of the room, I don't want to hide in this closet anymore
please don't text me until you can spell three letter words again.
we used a swiffer mop as a stripper pole.
I'd appreciated it if you didn't lick my boyfriends face again. I'm askin nicely. Thank you.
This is absurd. I need a man. Or even a moderately-clean hobo will do at this point.
I'll be in my room with a breakfast burrito at 2:30. It's up to you...
Just turned down sex because it's a holy day of obligation, my mom would be proud.
Is it bad that I'm tracking my period with Instagram pictures?
I feel like someone poured gasoline and bleach in my nose and lit it on fire.
Why! I don't feel that at all!!!! I feel jipped
It's amazing
I want to run hundreds of miles and do a whole semesters worth of homework while flying on a unicorn and throwing endless glitter bombs
I'm sad about how hungover I'm gonna feel tomorrow.
i think i'm just going to start having sex with his brother, he's much hotter and it would definately be less illegal.
Did you put my shoes in the freezer.
Nope. I did however put them in the kiddie pool you pissed in in the living room before Tyler put them in the freezer. Ass hole.
Randomize