1:57 a.m. Where did you go???
1:58 a.m. What are you doing? I want to go home with you, why aren't you responding?
2:11 a.m. Heading back to your place now, will you let me in?
Why is my head in the toilet this morning but there is vomit behind the toilet
On a scale of 1 to last weekend, how hungover are you?
This is how we made chicken soup last night: Whole chicken in a pot of vodka with a box of crackers and some carrots. We should go pro.
As he was under the stripper backwards, he yelled "we should totally be facebook friends"
What should I wear?
Uhhhhh...idk? it's a gay bar
I found something that says "i'm here to party, but not fuck guys."
You are literally throwing a tangerine right now. Beer pong is not played this way
Breaking a step ladder over someone's back turned into a really fun game, way too quickly.
There's scrapes on the inside of both my thighs.. Because we wanted to get drunk and climb trees naked.
Well we did eat French fries lady-and-the-tramp style last night...
There are days when you go to throw something in your bedroom trash can and realize the only things in there are a used condom, a Lime-arita can and a muffin wrapper.
And you said I'm not athletic, I rubbed one out with my sports band on, it's the same as walking 1/4 mile.
How was your night?
I spent a lot of money and drank a lot of booze. Also was part of a successful search party
I was just tongue fucked into oblivion.
I'm literally about to create a tinder account. Just so someone drives me to get food.
Randomize