i kinda do this "flirt with girls and pretend to be a hot white guy named chris" thing
I'm pretty sure he jizzed in his pants, and no it wasn't even half as funny as that song.
all adderall does is make me the grand champion of using wikipedia.
She told me I reminded her of the fair. And she wanted to deep fry my dick and eat it.
She got all mad because she said it was "unprofessional" to tell my manager to go fist herself.
If my bosses could see, smell or hear me right now they would understand why its a horrible idea to keep the office open sundays
Also, do you think you think his dick is perfect bc you loved him? Or is it actually perfect?
The last thing I remember was doing a line in the shape of Texas
I'm pretty sure I swallowed a whole condom
It's going to be so weird waking up tomorrow morning fully rested completely sober and not covered in piss or bruises.
This is Jewish guilt versus Irish Catholic guilt. We should tread carefully, or we could fuck up the space-time continuum or something.
I'm okay with that.
Pretty sure that propositioning you to fly across the country for sex fest '13 isn't something my husband would approve of.
There's not really an emoticon that says "I'm sorry I honked your boobs, and that you weren't a fan of that."
I recall trading my iPhone watch for a carton of Marlboros.
Just witnessed a man yell "gonna catch a slut!" at himself in the mirror while doing bicep curls at the gym.
I was...perplexed.
Randomize
