I just walked in on my mom and dad......It wasn't my dad
drug dealer added me on facebook, win ?
omg no way im finding him!
he has no pics of his face, and im always drunk so i cant remember if hes cute or not, but he told me im in his phone as "party girl" which is fitting i guess cause im dragging my hungover ass to buy preggo tests, and i had to get the cheap ones cause i blew all my cash on coke.
so you masturbated because Oprah told you?
i can totally see doctors naming an STD after you
Family of uber douches all wearing ed hardy in a hummer taking up 2 parking spots at starbucks. Please be more cliche
apparently it was the return of drunk burrito sex.
Ok wear gym clothes just in case we feel like going shitfaced to the gym
My lower body still feels like its been through a garbage disposal and a trash compactor. In that order.
If I had a dollar for every time i woke up screaming for my pants i"d have enough money to buy all the beer I stole last night.
The best part about being single is knowing how much everyone secretly creeps behind their gf/bfs back. You wouldn't believe..Have a great date night!
Jusy read on a science page that squeezing boobs can prevent cancer cells from forming in them, youre welcome.
I'm going to crush up my last 7 Percocets into a fine powder and toss my popcorn in it.
Do you think it would be a margarita if you just out tequila in a sonic slush?
He watches the nature channel every time I am here. It's like a manipulation technique because baby zebras will get me every time.
Also he said my vagina was sculpted by gods so there must be some feelings here.
Randomize
