She got kicked off the plane and spent the last four hours in a holding cell with the feds.
but she's really nice
P.S. theres no milk for breakfast, but theres plenty of beer or red wine. you decide.
you took a scissor and started screaming "I WANNA KNOW WHAT ITS LIKE TO BE BALD"
Dude I totally just watched a girl put a tampon soaked in vodka up her vag
I need new friends
I was giving him a blow job in the kitchen, but it was uncomfortable. so i took the oven mitts and used them as knee pads.
Don't tell me i'm not fucking resourceful.
Life lesson learned last night, if you are too drunk to use the atm leave the strip club
I think it was you who decided that coming home at 3AM and cooking eggs topless was the best way to end our night. Eating the scrambled eggs off each other's boobs, that was ellie's idea
you came here, splled a bunch of margaritas, hung up a picture of yourself and then left
I wish you could be here to assess my herpes before he gets here.
last night we stole an a/c window unit from a frat. gonna be a great summer
Cooked breakfast with his mom this morning...I'm like the housewife of one night stands
like i got into his car and the beatles were playing. this kid is def getting his dick sucked
The appetizer at the dinner I went to tonight was Klonopin and a Bloody Mary.
I mean the power was out what was I supposed to do
He was gone when I woke up. But he left skid marks on my sheets and our unopened bottle of Titos is missing
New Rule: No more sleepovers with guys we met on Reddit
Randomize
