my hangover today makes thursday's feel like a bubble bath.
bowling with tennis balls and shot glasses. whatever you dont knock down after 2 rolls, you drink.
Pretty sure I just became the first person ever to use the word "boner" in a wedding card...
It started as a joke and ended with a trip to the emergency room, a broken macbook and a gigantic hole in the concrete of my driveway.
what part of 'taking a night off' includes MDMA in your world?
It was pretty bad. Like cum-on-my-face-while-singing-Let-It-Snow bad.
i'm currently connecting with my tribal roots aka i just found my recorder from 3rd grade music class... be ready for the recording
im the best fifth wheel. all four of them separately bribed me to never speak of what happened last night
I wouldn't be surprised. You and I have basically synced up our brain chemistry by doing drugs together in the same way that two girls would sync their menstrual cycles by sharing a house.
He told me he wanted to sober fuck the shit outa me... I took that as a compliment
They said I was more of a mess than the German. I have achieved the unachievable, you may bow down to me
We let 3 boys take us home and then we woke up in the middle of the night, stole all the coozies out of the house, a loaf of bread, a case of water, a pair of shorts, called a cab, and went home.
He is 30 (that's 8 years older than I am) and uses more Emojis than I do. Problem?
There is not enough whiskey in the world to get me through what happened on Pretty Little Liars tonight.
First world problems.
Well I may have gotten laid but I over drafted buying pizza so I think that negates everything
Randomize
