She said I was really immature but whatever...oh by the way we just bought a toilet and turned it into a beer bong so come over
Brought out my three foot martini glass last night, that explains why I haven't left my bed all day long.
I wonder if I could sublet my bathtub to anyone.
And then the lady sheeps would bring me the finest grass to eat cuz im the sheep king and id have sexy smooth sheep fur
What a dumb baby whore.
woke up wearing a canadian flag with the starting forward of the hockey team. i feel oddly patriotic
I just tripped out to the Angel of Music from Phantom of the Opera in my car. Wayyyy to high for shuffle right now.
Omg. The nephews found my stripper pole. The scary part is theyre good at it.
I told the DJ last night to play Third Eye Blind before 1:45 and just pointed at him as I walked away. He didn't do it and at 1:45 I just walked out pointing at him, without my friends
You know you're fucked up when you decide to pour fireball whiskey in your vegetable beef soup
also karaoke with swedish 7yr old and drunk 50yr old = best idea ever
Maybe she'll change her mind but the "go fuck yourself" doesn't seem promising
It's a good thing my liver is flexible because a lesser man would be dead
if you want to know how my night is going I just ugly cried in the cheesecake factory
The cops high fived after they tackled you
Randomize
