Just met a synchronized swimmer, can you imagine the things she could do in the water
Legs for days
Harpoon that
She looks like an uncircumcised penis in a hat.
i just funneled a beer through a mask n snorkel.. can you check that off my bucket list..
Dude pussy is like music. For every person who pays for it, there are thousands more getting it for free.
It was scary, we all screamed. Never make mimosas in a car.
im pretty sure the clearest way to say "dont worry, im not emotionally attached" was by sleeping with his roommate the next night
Im 95% ready to shit behind 711
This guy just tried to hit on me on facebook. His most recent listed education is middle school. This is my life.
Goodbye spring break, hello depressing video on AIDS.
Lost feeling in my face, my shoe and had a nose bleed. That's not wings. Fuck red bull.
We are 100% horrible people, and im extremely happy we are friends
do you think me going to the gyno dressed as a cat is inappropriate?
If you get that boat I will recruit some boat hoes for you and tape a video and sync it to I'm On A Boat. This is happening.
You attempted what you called the "Long Island Heist", in which you shoved a half glass of Long Island down your pants and asked me to help you sneak it out. That drunk.
So he called his lawyer from the bar to confirm the cost of hitting the douchebag before flooring him. I respect his planning skills.
Randomize
