covered in glitter, my cheek hurts, and theres a handprint on my face. Would i do it again. Absolutly
My bra smells like weed because there's weed in my bra
i'm sorry if your life is a sore subject
Just met someone from Jersey. No fist pumps or jagerbombs. Kind of disappointed...
So... 5th graders can't whisper for shit, but apparently I have an awesome rack.
Haha. Niice.
Yeah, I didn't know whether to be shocked or flattered.
both.
so the good news is that i can't possibly burn my eyelashes off tonight at the bbq.
Hypothetically speaking, what is the proper response if one gets bitten by a most likely not rabid squirrel? Hypothetically.
A pack of naked men just sprinted down the street screaming in German. It's 5 AM.
There is nothing more embarrassing than your birth control alarm going off while in a meeting with your boss and they tell you to take it.
want me to make you a grilled cheese? I can't guarantee it'll be as good as yours but i'll go down on you afterwards if you want
brb printing out this text and putting it on my bedroom wall
I made one of my coworkers cheers to me not being pregnant. I've never talked to him before tonight. Keeping it classy.
Are you jealous of my sweatsuit? It's how I get men on Tinder.
Well I mean I HAD done a pretty good job of not pooping myself through the years
I found condoms in the back yard from you and your boyfriend. My house isnt a motel
I dont know. He's too private. After you fuck him find out his secrets.
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