I want to come over to your house, give you money for liquor, fuck you, and then kick it untill I have to go home. Was that blatent enough for you?
dude..why do i always have to pick up the kitty litter after you drink?
I'm eating all of the evidence.
i kinda do this "flirt with girls and pretend to be a hot white guy named chris" thing
I've rolled joints bigger than that penis.
Girl in front of me has spent the class alternating between playing farmville and the tiffany's website looking at engagement rings. Every once in a while she holds her hand up to the screen.
She doesn't deserve the breathe the same air that we do.
She just bought a cow and we've moved on to looking at wedding dresses.
i asked a few people if they wanted to make pancakes with me but no one would. thats why i'm drunk by myself right now
all her text said was "asdfhdaufhudshfuds" and i knew that meant come over
Just saw a motorized bathtub. I think this college thing is gonna work out.
Should I tell him the real reason I was in the hospital, or should I just keep him thinking the side effect he thought was in for was allergy related, not I just miscarried the child I didn't know we were having?
Just keep my face away from hard objects. And by that I do not mean erect penised.... those are totally fine. It's more just things like rocks, table edges, blunt objects, etc so I don't get another concussion.
I'm at the bar, forgot my pants. Everyone's over reacting
Visiting Houston was a good decision for my penis.
I don't think I've ever met a guy with a bush bad enough that I would choose a cactus over it.
Just saw you run by my class yelling "fuck you!". Good luck and stay human!
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