Pregnant stripper...not hot.
Ps what kind of horrible ppl are we that we both checked blackberries during sex and neither minded?
Just saw a commercial bout this girl that lost 54 lbs on a taco bell diet. so thats my excuse.
She always acts like she's doing me a favor with a hand job. I've been giving myself hand jobs for almost 20 years.
i woke up to the sound of my dad getting blown. this is my life
i'm behind the bar giving him a hand job. i need stuff to make my foot stop itching.
okay, this is where i needed to clarify that i was kidding before when i said that jizz helps mosquito bites. but let me know how that goes. for future reference.
I have now added draft and wells specials that different bars have to my blackberry calendar.. Help me.
In the UK. Bar special, every drink costs a pound. I'm two shots away from being deported. God save the queen.
Naked Twister starts at high noon
Day #3 of being the only sober person at the bar. This is depression.
I renamed his cat Jeff last night. Well I spray painted it on him.
I finally got out of bed at 8:30pm and my little brother informed me that I had cereal stuck to my back. I'm going to smoke a cigarette and go back to sleep.
It's amazing
I want to run hundreds of miles and do a whole semesters worth of homework while flying on a unicorn and throwing endless glitter bombs
Omg. Tonight might be the night I masturbate thinking of a smoothie!
Just a reminder- you dropped broccoli in my car and then felt bad for it and named him Henry
I know. I miss henry.
Randomize
