just spent all of my last class as a college student, vomiting in the bathroom. its moments like these i will cherish
He fucked a visibly pregnant girl. It doesn't get weirder than that.
You fell on your face and the waitress just brought you a fresh drink
I have blocked the memory from my mind. He is just a fuzzy cloud floating with my other bad decisions..
He said he got laid, but you and i both know he was too high to leave his house.
She kept sniffing my sweater and tried to guess what type of detergent I use.
I swear to all that is holy, next time you get my mom high with your "special bake sale" I am going to put your dick in the blender.
I paid off a credit card today. And I was tested negative for HIV. AND I did laundry. Honestly, I'm most excited about the laundry.
you're the third guy in less than 24 hours she fucked. I'm glad you lost your virginity just don't act like you climbed Mt. Everest.
Uh do you have my pants because I have yours
I feel like I should treat myself every time I find out I'm not pregnant. Is there a pie company that delivers??
THAT'S NOT NICE
NEITHER WAS PROMISING NOT TO TAKE MY SISTER'S VIRGINITY, THEN PROMPTLY DOING SO
He wore a t-shirt that had an arrow pointing to his crotch and "DO IT FOR THE VINE" on it.
At least he's honest about how long he'll last.
She was giving me head, and a cop pulled up next to us. I freaked when he looked over at me, but so did he and rear ended the car in front of him.
Sex was followed by homemade breadsticks. I waited till after the breadsticks were gone to tell her i had a gf.
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