Whod you bang
Dear Mark, please dispose of your crusty mcdonalds napkins used to jerk it at my desk
discrete masterbation is a lost art
I learned much from the teen babysitter: I can light a cigarette in a microwave.
you're like the Neil Armstrong of terrible hookups, you are a pioneer
I'm on a cruise to the Bahamas and this text message is gunna cost me $10 but I need you to pray on my behalf for the things I'm about to do these 2 girls and what I did last night to a 35 year old mother of 3.
The bartender gave me the kids toys. Paddle ball & a gecko.
Between the walk of shame, bar fight, karaoke, injuries, number of bar check-ins, and variety/quantity of alcohols and Advil consumed, I'd say HookerFest 2012 was a raging success.
Would it be a good deed to leave a 32 pack of bud light next to a bum sleeping in the park?
No. Not going out tonight. No. It's Tuesday. Xanax and Full House Tuesday.
I had a meltdown and you quoted Puddle of Mudd to me
Bitch are you kidding? 2016 is gonna be the year our pussies run for president
I just got a robo call from the Addiction Help Line. Not sure how to take that.
Gave his drunk ass water, & he poured it on my shirt while saying "WET T-SHIRT CONTEST!" When reminded of it today he replied with, "at least you came in first place"
I feel like any time there's that much rope, lingerie, and horse masks on the ground, it's safe to say it was a great night
I don't remember anything from last night, but at track I found my thong next to the high jump pit... So it must has been decent
Randomize
