Apparently Chef Boyardee is the only guy I'm taking home tonight.
A good Q tip ear swabbing is better than bad sex.
I am highly attracted to the men and that's all i can say. I do not clap and make noises but i do turn to the side and say how i'd do incredible things to them if given the chance
Steve is gonna hang his bear rug on the wall because he doesn't trust us not to have sex on it...
I would think I was a stalker too if I wasn't myself
It's four o'clock and my 60yo aunt's tits have already made an appearance and there is a dildo traveling around the room periodically assaulting family members. Strangely I am thankful.
I defriended her. I just can't support someone whose profile picture is of their water birth.
I'm not really sure if I peed the bed last night or if the cat was trying to get back at me for using her litter box last weekend
You were upset that she was flirting with your boyfriend so I thought the best game plan was to show her my boobs and get her to make out with me instead. I am the greatest friend on absinthe.
I saved him in my phone as "Well-Hung Burrito Savior." I love Taco Tuesday.
I'm going to a one year olds birthday party to smoke weed. What has my life become.
you said something about joining a k-pop band before passing out topless on the trampoline.
He wants me to fart in his mouth and is offering me SOOOO much coke. I'm stuck between a rock and a hard place. GIVE ME ADVICE.
It was horribly awesome. Its like looking at the sun, you know its bad for you but I just couldn't stop looking.
I am mentally ready for anal.
Randomize