You can only be slapped by Eastern European waitresses so many times. I guess they don't want my huge cock in their iron curtain
those are such fre$h shoes
going to ignore the use of the word "fresh" in a sentence that isnt related to produce and/or other food stuffs and especially the part where you replaced an "s" with a dollar sign
Also thongs make me have to fart a lot.
Is it appropriate to get drunk, stand up at the wedding and make a toast to "the time the lovely bride asked me to come on her chest"?
our generation is not ready to get married
basically at this point ill snort whatever you put in front of me and just hope
The weekend is off to a good start: she just got into a verbal fight with a hobo. Nearly a fist fight.
Cute underage boy is in my house.
OH MY GOD. DON'T DO ANYTHING. WHY IS HE IN YOUR HOUSE.
He literally chugged a bottle of wine in under 2 minutes. Stood up, said "fuck what ya heard" and stabbed the bottle into their drywall.
Bone him for me, BONE HIM TWICE FOR ME.
Can you pick up from work today? There's a surprise for you on the bed and I haven't gone blind which is positive.
Sorry about the picture of wills balls via snapchat last night btw
I'm out of milk so I'm dunking my Oreos in Bailey's; this is my life now.
you flipped over the sheets and there was my bed. filled with ding dongs.
Which sister was it? The one I accidentally hit when my shoe flew off or the one I ate candy off of when we were high?
I'm not going to tell you how to live your life, which includes naming your schlong
Randomize
