if there werent so many compromising pictures of me in the hands of so many liberal friends, id consider going into politics
She actually asked me 'is it in yet?' I deleted the vid.
i fell off the bed in the middle of it, and he yelled "5 second rule" and kept fucking me. i think im in love
I wishh there was a lost and high section in walmart cause I would be there right now
Sometimes I wonder why.. Then I realize I can't fool myself with that question bc we all know it's bc of his enormous dick
They went to the hospital to try backflips in the parking lot. Be ready for the call
I just had to download an app to edit pictures on my new phone. The things I do for sexting...
Do you remember trying to use a pencil, pen, and sunglasses as your second form of ID at the bar when they wouldn't let you in last night?
Found half of a five day old piece of pizza behind my dresser. Apparently it was drunkenly set there and got knocked down. It was such a happy reminder of last weekend.
I found a cheeseburger next to my tub once. It's there to shame you, but it always just makes me feel more awesome.
I want to buy her liposuction. And a spot on What Not To Wear. And a face transplant.
Occasionally I curse my inner 15 year old when I'm fulfilling their dreams as a slut, but I roll with it.
Went to bed with a bowl of spaghetti O's on my chest, I make my own breakfast in bed. New level of laziness
Will you trust fall hold me, so I can pee of this building.
Made up a full house drinking game
On my way.
Ok fine, yes she's pregnant. But you're ignoring the most important part. HER BOOBS GOT BIGGER. That doesn't happen every day, and I owe it to myself to enjoy those boobs before the belly catches up to them!
Randomize
