I just spent $27 on things to pee on.
Just dropped $150 at the liquor store. No power and two feet of snow has taken my alcoholism to another level.
gross. I think i'll just donate all my eggs. My children will be incredible, but they're not welcome in my womb
My mail consisted of a box of dildos and christmas card from grandma.
Why the fuck is the royal wedding at 4am. That is obviously not the most appropriate time to drink during finals. It's like I'm bound to fail, by royal decree.
I had her number in my wallet, I was sitting on a winning ticket for the blowjob lottery and didn't know
nothing like a cross blunt to celebrate the birth of our savior
I just watched my mom get dick on Skype.
That d should have definitely been an s.
Well, we won the drunk before noon contest!
I woke up with my wool blanket soaking wet on the dorm room floor, and my sweatshirt hanging on the shower door down the hall. So basically my camp-out-in-the-bathroom idea didn't turn out as planned
No other awkward car ride can beat the one you give your drug dealer home.
Woke up with a squirrel in my bed, how was your night?
Seriously, he's as bad as Joffrey. I hope this ends like Game Of Thrones did.
Well yeah. But im not sure i trust the black out drunk high girl giving life advice
I told her I wanted to go swimming and she responded with jello shots, taking off her clothes, and jumping into the pool...I think I'm in love
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