I just took a girl with a hip brace and crutches on a date. she obviously can't bone. is it rude to demand a blowjob?
The whole way homeyou were flapping your arms up and down, and when I asked why you said you were trying to tell Tony Danza about the angels.
For the millionth time in his career, Brett Favre has screwed over the Vikings
Going back to college after four years is reminding me why i love cheating... they dont let me cheat on tests but they sure try hard to make me cheat on my girl
well, atleast the road to alcoholism is fun.
I can't tell whether I'm throwing up blood or licorice.
I'm shivering and sweating at the same time. Thanks a lot St. Patrick.
he put a lighter in my cleavage and said "you're like another pocket!"
She went off on a twilight/new moon tangent before we even got back to my room. i had to jump the ship and pretended to pass out on the sidewalk.
Alright this has to stop. Without adderall I don't even have the motivation to get laid. College has ruined me.
You have to come over we all bought drinking hats. Mine has a turtle on it. Side note: somehow someone got their hands on 50 candied apples and we need to eat them...
She just told me her legs are numb and that she dedicated her karaoke of ice ice baby to her 4 month old son.
Tell Taylor to rock on. Tell her she is so beautiful that the sun shines down on her face and shows her beauty. Tell her to live on, like Martin Luther King. He'll never die. He's living his dreams.
We didn't mean to put a petting zoo in the elevator.
I've finally given up enough on finals week to wear the same shirt three days in a row, because I didn't take my hoodie off for the first two.
Randomize
