About tomorrow. if it dosent fit dont force it. Just pushit as far as you can and i'll wiggle the rest of the way
You admitted to me in secrecy that you want to jerk off a unicorn.
I just woke up in my car with half the wedding cake next to me. This will not end well.
$1.99 mimosas n bloodys til 3. Happy hour starts at 4. We're gonna ride the mechanical bull to kill the hour inbetween.
Please take video.
My mom is helping me re-arrange my room to make New Year's more hook-up friendly
also bought condoms to give away to people who look like they're about to make a bad halloween decision. I'm like a fairy.
i wish you were under my bed. you sexy russian fur trapper.
please. text the right number. youve been sending me these all night.
Instead of politely asking me to shave, he passive-aggressively left me a groupon for a bikini wax. So I passive-aggresively fucked his roommate. And his roommate didn't mind my bush when he went down on me. Anyway, do you want the groupon or not?
I figure that my generation of my family needs an alcoholic. I'll take that burden.
Just wait til you visit, there will be an endless supply of fresh dick for your demand #economics
NO HOOKUPS IN THE CAR. I will try as i might to practice what i preach, but there are no guarantees.
On a completely unrelated note I think I have carpal tunnel
Again, totally unrelated
So I'm texting her. How do I steer the conversation toward "I honestly would be fine never seeing you again"?
He carried you out but the best part is you kept saying "can't I keep dancing" as you were gushing blood
I just took a picture of Austin's dick wearing a hat. Except its not a hat it's a DayQuil cap.
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