I dreamt Michael Jackson dropped his pants in front of me and I had to ignore it.
a mothers knocking is a guaranteed boner softener
She was drunk and kept trying to talk while I was in her mouth. It sounded like the teacher from a Charlie Brown cartoon!
i told my grandma i broke up with my boyfriend. her reply " you need to play the field more anyway"
The only reason why I invited him to my party was because he is suicidal.
after everytime she pucked, she insisted on us all giving her high fives
There's trophy wives that arent even in the 5th grade yet
All i've done since I got back to my room today is take a three hour nap. Like, I even planned to change my pants and haven't even done that yet.
My friend just ordered a beer and poured it on the floor in celebration of open bar night
I've come to the conclusion while folding laundry and watching porn that I may be dead inside.
Yeah I fingered her in the crowd and the dj saw it and gave me props over the speakers. I got so many high fives.
That would be a dream come true. Seriously, he's like my mount everest, my life's ambition is to climb him.
so I am that guy with the red solo cup in class. someone has to step it up.
If a handjob meant commitment I would literally touch zero dicks
It was terrible. I am sore from head to toe, neither of us got off, and we were at it for an hour and a half, I faked having a heart episode so we could stop. It worked.
Randomize
