fuck. did you have to draw it on me with a permanent marker
You know how you thought that you put on a condom last weel?
yea
turns out that you did...and i just found it.
I was doing the dishes wondering what was with all the tiny little cups, but then I remembered that some people drink things other than huge mixed drinks and big cups of water the next day.
I hope he's okay, but I also hope he shows up with an eyepatch
Sad news: I might have to institute a "once-per-day" policy on getting trashed downtown. Sorry, reputation.
I love you. Happy valentines. Satin Patricks dayyyyyyyyyy. Alreadythrew up. Geeeeerait.
I went to pick my brother up downtown and I stopped at a red light a homeless old man comes up knocks on the window shows me his penis and then screams money
Be proud. All I did last night was roll around in my nun costume selling drugs. I love Halloween.
Two run-ins with cops/park rangers tonight and now I'm just wandering around high and shirtless
Sacramento doesn't deserve you
classified somewhere between kinky and medically inadvisable
The whole bar erupted and in happiness and confusion as I went on about pancakes.
It's acceptable to bring him back to my parents house and fuck on the couch right??
On a scale from 1-10 how fucked up would it be to buy weed with my fafsa money?
It's a study aid
Do you wanna fuck while my apple pie is in the oven?
You made the lady who made your cheeseburger sign the box so that when she got famous you would have her autograph.
Randomize
