I woke up this morning with my shirt on upside down.
You mean inside out.
No, upside down. I ripped the neck hole in the process of getting it around my waist.
writing the newer testament. It's the 3rd for the series. I'll update u the rule changes later.
Do you ever just think "I could really go for a good 30 minute blowjob". I do. Everytime jill smiles.
she reminds me of the first time i discovered masturbation. that's how you know it's true love.
do you think semen can infect my impacted wisdom tooth
Ate apple sauce off his penis. Nutritious and slutty.
I literally just wrote "I'm sorry" in my blue book, got up and walked out
Sex tent. say it aloud its amazing. promise you we rnt stoned.
She wants to practice her harmonica skills on my penis
This girl just texted me asking me to drop her cheese. What the fuck for that mean?
end of the world party next friday. virgin sacrifice. tell me you know someone whos still a virgin
Did you seriously just hashtag my sex life as #yolo2013?
Nooo, I ran into two if my exes, both having their engagement parties at the bar. It was like a fucking Eskimo family reunion, but with more tequila.
Lol, maybe a little bit. I don't know. I don't keep a super keen memory log of dicks honestly.
I bet you my entire life savings of $0 that there's a Doctor Who porn parody and that it features the sonic screwdriver being inserted into some cavities
Randomize
