my mario cart skills improve with alchohol. and i think my real car skills do to but the cop didnt see my logic
alright she left, finally time to fart up the room
I woke up to him climbing naked through my bedroom window with a bottle of jd in his hand. Of course I had sex with him.
We've only been driving for two hours and I'm already down 3 vicodin...I'm not going to survive this family vacation.
Come help me clean. I know we won't be getting our security deposit back...but I would like to move out with our dignity.
Tried to eat a chip. Mouth wouldn't cooperate. Nearly died. Wow I've missed this.
Honestly... isn't she a psych major? how does she go through life NOT realizing that everything she does is a cry for help?
sooo what's the appropriate music to listen to after you find out the dude you been fucking, is legit married with kids...what genre is that?
I'm eating a piece of cake like an apple. At least my thought process is healthy.
she was literally 3 feet away from the garbage can, said she couldn't make it, and then proceeded to vomit on the floor in front of everyone in the restaurant
there is nothing ok with the fact that that was the 4th time i peed in the same parking ramp
The only math I use in every day life is figuring out how much I can spend on alcohol and still have money to pay my bills. High school lied to us.
If you send me another picture of a donut on your penis while I'm at work, I may have to slap you With the donut.
Are you missing a tooth after last night? Because I found one in my coat pocket...along with what smells like dried jäger and a package of deer jerky.
Uh not that I recall.
Oh wait nvm. It's mine. Yeup, definitely my tooth.
I just want a man in my bed on a regular basis, who cuddles, and who I can also occasionally hang out with outside of my bedroom. Is that too much to ask for?
Randomize