Omg I just drooled on the screen of my phone from smiling with my mouth open while textin bahahahaahah
I just cut my nipple shaving
ya i vaguely remember microwaving a whole package of bacon for 20 minutes or so and then eating it all around 4am
We just took the batteries out of the fire alarm to play the breathalyzer game. I love college.
Game over. He has a paternity test request on his table.
is cock-oriented a word? I'd say I'm that lately.
I haven't had nearly enough lesbian experiences to fully commit to this relationship.
TINY HANDS NOT FOR BUTTHOLES
This is going everywhere on the internet.
He needs a high five right to the fucking mouth. With a chair. Or an atomic bomb.
Clearly the ONLY reason why you were voted employee of the month is because of your upside-down beer funneling skills.
Blood everywhere...karaoke was nice
for some reason leaving your socks onmakes it less meaningful.
He legit watched "Cops" the entire time he was fingering me.
Shut the fuck up! I can hear you having sex over Pirates of the Caribbean you moaning whore.
He threatened my life and my car because I called you. Are you sure you never slept with him ?
Randomize