I have a feeling we are going to become cougars together.
her eyes looked like someone had poured fruit punch in them. needless to say we had a good time.
i barely touched his dick and all of a sudden he yells, "BONER!"
you kept calling numbers in ur phone book and saying, "I love your show, I'm a long time listener, first time caller."
She's "scared" of blowjobs, so she just played with it for a while.
he went up stairs with nothing on but calvin klein's and an eskimo hat, said hi to her dad, got a doughnut, and left like it was an everyday thing
when life gives you lemons, puke and rally.
Best part of having a window in your office is that you can leave through it when you shit your pants at work.
I'm about to initiate a game of drunk UNO.
Drunk UNO has officially been banned from now until forever.
but there's so much I wanna do before I have kids. like die
My mom is currently drinking alone in our kitchen singing the Dixie Chicks to herself so, hey, alcohol is forever and we should not be shamed for its use.
That's a good 5 hours of "I have no fucking idea what I did".
I had the hottest doctor assess me at the hospital. He smelled like heaven and sex.
Completely unrelated and mildly related, a guy I hooked up with last year in a threeway died, his obit photo was his Grindr photo
Just witnessed a man yell "gonna catch a slut!" at himself in the mirror while doing bicep curls at the gym.
I was...perplexed.
Randomize
