I'm towing my little brother down the road on a sixty year old tractor, we're taking up the whole highway, and no one cares. I love South Dakota.
I was just texting to see if your vagina was working yet.
you decided to have a spaghetti fight but then you got greedy and decided to eat it all.
Stop trying to talk to my friends!!
then get some ugly ones...
We went into lab today and when no one was looking i touched our cadaver's penis!
Now he's galloping around the bar. I don't know whether to laugh or cry.
I feel like I just rode a horse, did a million jumping jacks, ran a marathon and need a carton on cigarettes. best sex hands down... EVER
From russia with love. But also with chlamydia.
Ummm didn't i have pubes when i went to bed last night?
I think I'm allergic to vodka. Or people getting engaged. One or the other. I want to die.
Standing here wondering if its a good idea to cook pork chops in the toaster or not.
All I know is I woke up with his business card in my bra and in my handwriting on the back it says 8 inch.
You kept asking us from the backseat if you were driving ok and then you kept talking to your hiccups and yelling at them to "stop it already!"
He overslept for our prescheduled morning sex. The fact that my vagina isn't enough to get him out of bed was the last straw.
Thanks for being my best friend so I can use you as an alibi to my family while I'm out getting some dick in my face.
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