Should I go home with him even though I know my Run DMC undies have skid marks on them?
A moment of silence for all our pussy whips bro's who had to endure the NEW MOON premier!
Just made a Mimosa with Chardonnay and Emergen-C.
Coming out of the blackout mid beej was nice. Seeing her face was not.
Started with us just having a beer. Now Ivan lit a torch to walk to the store, Ben smashed a 26 in the parking lot, and they're throwing broken shot glasses. Fratio Friday is something.
It feels like I'm breathing out my heart and it spreads through my limbs to my fingertips.
she broke my one feeling. seriously I think she broke my dick.
Last time Jon threw a party I woke up on my porch, no shirt but 4 bras on, and "make better life choices" written on my stomach in sharpie
Seriously, I woke you up with tacos, I think I deserve the best girlfriend ever award
I also tried to solve my dog's itching problem with crystal healing. I'm so high, dude.
I just rubbed amethyst all over him and kept saying 'no bites.'
Fuckin wine wasted last night. Found my pants in the toilet this morning.
After getting all 4 of my wisdom teeth removed I asked my dentist how much better would I be at head
Ive fucked up. im like a feral dog rabidly chasing an infrequent dream amidst a cataclysm of disaster
I feel like if he almost got me pregnant once, i can at least say hi in a bar
He asked me if I've ever had my ass ate and there was no polite way to say yeah your brother's pretty in to that 😂 I went with "no"
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