Have you finally orgasmed yet?
i cant believe u jumped in someones trunk just to get out of talking to me
Is showing up wearing the condom a bit presumptus
I submitted an essay to my history teacher comparing changes in the middle ages to the song changes by David Bowie. I can't wait to see my grade on that.
she just uttered the sweetest sentence in the english language...my stripper friends are coming over
I woke up wearing a cow costume. I'm not even gonna try to recall what happened last night.
Almost thought it was a good idea to call his parents to thank them for having a son with an awesome dick. That high.
Soo I got blood taken today and when the doctor came back with the results she said "you aren't sick but the tests show that you are currently drunk..."
he fucked me with his goalie mask on. it was like sleeping with Darth Vader
My feelings for him are donzo molonzo but I can't turn down a pierced penis...
STOP FUCKING TELLING PEOPLE ABOUT THAT TIME THAT GUY CAME ON MY FACE WHILE I WAS ASLEEP!!!
It will pretty much be equal to the feeling I had when you let me hold your dick while you were peeing, or when I graduated high school!
You can’t judge a dick by its balls.
I googled my name and pictures of you drinking showed up. Way to steal my thunder....
Coworker just walked in thirty minutes late reeking like weed and clutching a handful of scratch-off tickets. Also, there’s still a stripper pole in my office. Happy Wednesday!
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