If I were a boy, I'd name my penis Reptar.
babies were throwing up all over the place
so i completely puked my brains out. a lot. he held me up so i could brush my teeth. then we proceeded to hook up for the next four hours.
he's a keeper
When he took off his pants i accidently shouted "that is one small wiener," and thats when he left
you'd think someone with a dick that small would take what he could get
I often get tempted to walk up to her drunk ass and say, "shouldn't you be taking care of your kid?"
Sure, fine. Daughter just told me she is not a virgin anymore. I am gonna start drinking now
You just kept screaming "You are no House!!!" at the ER doc trying to stitch your head
2010 has been the year of the Eskimo brother. Let's see how many igloos we can shack in next year
you told the cab driver to stop being such a pussy because he wouldn't let you shotgun a beer in the backseat
It's like a puppy that we have to take care of at all times or else she'll get sad, lonely, and chew on the furniture. And by 'chew on the furniture', I mean have anonymous sex.
you 2 were alone in the living room and the dog walked in and you started yelling what are all these people doing in here
There's so much mac and cheese stuck to my foot right now
I mean I did fuck her boyfriend, the least I could do is post happy birthday on her Facebook wall.
Just got invited to a tree party by some random chicks. They're literally just sitting up in a tree with a handle of rum and a box of goldfish crackers and yelled at me as I was walking by...
He said it was the classiest hand job he ever had because my nails were painted red. We need to go to nicer bars from now on.
Randomize
