We had two amazing nights in a row...it was so weird...I couldn't even go to sleep cause I thought maybe it was just in his plot to kill me.
You know, if there were no such thing as marriage, i don't think porn would exist.
your tears are not going to buy me drinks...
He found my weave.. Think he'll still fuck me Friday? And how do I ask for it back?
You can't possibly imagine how much I miss you. At least I'll always have that hidden folder in my computer.
I just sat in the bathtub with the shower running so I could eat the whole box of mega stuffed Oreos. What am I doing with my life
Just woke up with an entire pack of Oreos in my cheetah onesie. I've been waiting for this moment forever.
yeah she's crazy. she fought a possum in my alley because it was "being a cagey little cunt"
i definitely signed you up to receive text message notifications from a jukebox last night. Not even sorry.
I forgot her safe word. It was a rough night.
sorry for the random call. He stopped mid-sex because he wanted confirmation that I was really a reverend.
I feel like I don't show you my boobs enough. And you deserve to see them like all the time
I may or may not have tried to give myself a lobotomy
Everytime I come home this stoned I masturbate in the shower for that long, its like my lonely ritual. Accept me.
i think she learned that just cuz half shots were easier, doesnt mean she can have triple as many.
Randomize
