New first...just saw an entire family of homeless hitch hikers...kids and all. God, i love Oklahoma!
He's doing the single life. He recently finished like a 3 year relationship. You can't date him.
But I don't want to date him. I just want to look at him. Naked. And in my bed.
My boyfriend woke me up in the middle of the night to have sex with me right before I had sex with another guy in my dream. What a unique sixth sense his penis has.
basically theres shrimp everywhere. splattered on the walls, in the carpet, its bad. ohh theyre never gonna get the smell out.
walk of shame into the pharmacy with a busted up chin and laughing the lady at the counter rolled her eyes at me when I asked for the morning after pill.
can you please explain how one drink turns into 5 street signs with their poles lying around my room
Ran into his mom at the bar, i told her "i know he's married now but I'd still do him"
And don't try to lose a condom in me tonight. My vagina is not a storage compartment where you can just leave something and try and use it again later in the week.
Thanks to a poorly written tweet a whole bunch of people thought I died last night.
Please tell me those naked pics were not your mom. Lie if you have to.
THERE IS A VERY SMALL CHILD YELLING OUTSIDE OF MY DOOR. THE NEXT TIME YOU TELL ME YOUR TOO BIG FOR A CONDOM I'M GOING TO PUNCH YOU IN THE DICK.
She took me into the bathroom and force fed me a panini, it was pretty good.
Don't tell me I can do whatever makes me happy while also saying I have to put on pants.
she just kept straddling the railing to the stairs and shouting "come on Seabiscuit, lets win this for America."
My ex gave me head because she said she didn't enough when we were dating... Best ex ever? I think yes.
Randomize
