do you ever facebook stalk someone so much you think their inside jokes are yours?
so all the bums hang out by my new store, they have a leader we call king bum... He got dethroned by police today for choking out a hooker. The bum heirarchy is in shambles right now.
After having to meet his mom half naked, running into the tree in front of her didn't seem so bad.
I am at the point where deciding not to drink alone is worth a rocky music montage in and of itself.
Come over we're drinking with orange soda as a chaser to honor 90s nick kenan and kel.
They usually take it with their boobs. It's like a horizontal motorboat
They were so big her bra clasped in the front. Didn't even know those existed.
No gifts needed, but if you have fireworks or weed that'd be good.
When you glanced over and and mouthed "I'll take the fat chick" I knew it was going to be an epic Sunday night.
Everyone thinks I'm sleeping but I'm actually just melting.
Is it completely inappropriate to base my morning after pill purchase on if they sell coffee or not?
Blame the bisexuality and move on?
I feel like my foot is being amputated. Or maybe it's the vodka. I couldn't tell you.
Note to self, the correct response when a guy tells you he likes you as a person is not "ew"
My ex's sister asked me to be her date to Thanksgiving. Should I go?
Threesome!
Randomize
