meet me in the bathroom in 10 mins.
wait what? who are you hooking up with in the bathroom?!
aww shit wrong text.
she has a miserable personality but its a good think you dont have sex with that
pussy has no personality
Amen to that
he said no girl had ever swallowed his cum before
he probably also told you he thought u were pretty
Being college poor has reached a new low. I am giving up on masturbating so i can save money on toilet paper
your philanthropy is ruining my sex life.
He gave me a trycicle he stole from a kid as an "offering" to have sex. I couldnt say no when he went through all that.
I have a cat, a bottle of wine, and a Brazilian man. I need to catch you up on my life
Just wanted to let you know it's 3am and, at this point, I believe your sister has more of my semen in her than I do. So suck on that, fuckface.
The worst part about being a grammar Nazi is all the porn I skip over because the titles are misspelled
O was like, nah, fuck 50-50. My version of bi is that i'm 80% gay, 20% drug-addled decisions. Apparently he's straight on hallucinogens.
So this is my life now? Laying in bed texting about Hulk penis?
When my beach tent arrives , I strongly suggest quitting our jobs and becoming homeless beach drunks
Last night I made out with two lesbians while dancing with another girl. I'm pretty sure it wasn't even real life.
You and I both know it takes more than prescription narcotics to keep our family down. See you around ten, brother.
Just went to Meijer. Purchased furnace filters, fishing line, red lipstick and pregnancy test. And if my purchase alone wasn't classy enough, I took the pregnancy test in the Meijer bathroom because Im on my way to the bar and wanted to know if that was a good idea or not. Cheers to no babies!
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