my Prof for my bio lab has his lab coat collar popped. it's 8 am and im too hungover for this guy
she wouldn't stop crying, so we sang her to sleep. i'm guessing you will find her in the same position by the toilet in the morning. night.
Wella between the drunkards, the inevitable slutty costumes, and someone doing a BODY SHOT OFF A PREGNANT GIRL, i lost my halloween spirit. Bah humbug.
3 guesses about who had to still-drunkenly facilitate a fire drill at 2:40am because freshmen can't handle microwave popcorn.
Just had that moment when you realize the two drunk women shoving all their money down your clothes were your middle school teachers...
I'd return your shirt, but it got all wet from lying on the bathroom floor while I was in the shower with Justin's roommate...
Keep it.
THIS IS A FLATMATE WARNING! The white powder next to sink is washing powder I spilled and is not meant for human comsumption. I repeat- do not digest, snort or smoke the white powder next to the sink!!!!
He's not messing around tonight. 4 fist pumps.
The joke is on me because whale penis is forever in my search history.
Worth it.
He sent me a picture of a gas station condom and said "we probably shouldn't use this but if I was to impregnate someone on accident I'd want it to be you"
A boy just offered to come over and help me clean my house. I hope you are more successful than he will be tonight.
FYI, his "son" is a Chihuahua.
I'm 80% sure I have pink eye. This is my penance for being a homewrecker.
Sometimes i wish my vagina automatically turned itself off when i'm legally drunk.
He just looks like he'd be good in bed. He looks like he has a lot of anger built up in him and all I'm saying is that if he took out on my vagina I'm cool with that
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