Mr. Last Night just informed me I told him to be very quiet when he left this morning and high-fived him as a goodnight kiss. Drunk me is slutty and manly.
She asked me how I live with myself. I told her one night at a time.
The last thing I remember is funneling tequila out of a pink noodle.
I'm seriously gonna die surrounded by a million cats and an unbroken hymen
Dude just slipped a $20 into the jukebox at that restaurant we were escorted out of last Mardi GRAS. Hope they enjoy Justin Bieber's Baby cause they're gonna hear it 40 fucking times.
There is an empty space on my boobs where glow paint should be.
I was in the bathroom puking up mountains of tequila and when he came to help me, I held the door shut and kept yelling at him to let me be a lady.
I let a naked juice spill down my leg for like 30 minutes bc i thought i was hallucinating that my leg was cold.
When we were grinding I think your nuva ring fell into my shoe
I wish I was in the big bed with a naked you post sex eating chicken nuggets
It's all fun and games until your AARP eligible neighbors end up blacking out in your yard at 5pm with a box of franzia. I'm feeling a great year ahead
Never drinking again. Maybe, if our boss gave us more 3-day weekends we would know how to handle ourselves. That was a shit show.
I was alternating between saying "yall need Jesus" and "God bless" the entire night
Sleeping with him wouldn't be considered hoeing out... It seems more like babysitting.
I'm planning our wedding on the computer and our threesome on my phone. At the same time.
Randomize
