I want 2 things right now, you or a cig
cig
i have now learned nap means the same thing as sex in college
Fuck morning classes. Fuck early work. Fuck anything in the morning that doesn't involve sleeping, sex or bacon.
You paid the taxi driver with a comb last night.
I have a music final in an hour so I put all the classical songs we need to know in a shower power hour playlist, beer included.
Hey since its national brother week is that eiffel tower option with your girlfriend still on the table?
No no no...you park the car, stick your tongue down his throat, slip your number in his pocket, invite him to insomnia, and THEN LEAVE. You go from awkward to epic in a matter of seconds.
Just got back from the tanning beds. I'm a lobster. I fear for the safety of my nipples falling off.
You were so proud of your stupid "magic trick" but all you did was piss on the couch. don't talk to me for a few days.
So I'm guessing that puking on a camper is a straight path to instant termination?
Somewhere in this city is a lost rubber penis that needs to find its way back home
You're the only one to love me enough for me to admit the following: Rock-bottom sounds like sobbing to a Miley Cyrus song.
Note to self don't stop having sex during an earthquake! I call it a 6.1 orgasm!
I think I fell asleep on the dance floor at one point...but played it off cool and acted like I just did the robot.
bought a large fruitopia from McDonalds at 7:45 this morning. Spilled it on the ground. Cried. THAT hungover.
Randomize
