so my mom just told me that she wouldnt pick me up and take us to taco bell at 3AM...
just watched an entire episode so you think you can dance for head. so wasn't worth it
his penis is like a homeless cat. ever since I've satisfied him he keeps showing up on my doorstep ask for more.
okay, I promise to stop paying strippers to hit you
I know it's not standard practice to meet the couple you donate to, but i'm curious as to what kind of people saw my picture and said, we want that girl's eggs
She just said, "are my livers going to die?"
Friends bring friends secret work margaritas. my pink water bottle is in the cupboard
Just had a 10 minute long conversation with my cat about how if I died, and he needed to eat me to live, I'd totally be ok with it. Definitely still drunk.
I was figuring I'd break up with her after work, but before Taco Tuesday
You said you were going to start drinking less. Drinking 25 small airplane bottle shots do not count.
I am now "wine pairing" tums flavors with my strongbow, because apparently hard cider gives me heartburn.
I'm in the smoking section between a transvestite molly dealer and a group of juggalos. I shouldn't be that hard to find.
I feel like it should at least be like a "hey look I'm actually fine that I drunkenly gave you my virginity!" friend request.
I just made mac at 3:10 am... My life is falling apart...
she's always on high-alert for lesbians
Randomize
