Upon hearing of his newfound access to every orifice... even ones he just made up... the Grinch's penis grew three sizes that day.
let's have our labels/stereotypes/careers for each kid by next week.
oh how i love working at summer camp.
but really, i care about skinny girls as much as michael vick cares about rotweilers
hey bro how do you do that fake vagina thing with the tp roll? im bored.
Just made a drug deal by throwing my money to my dealers window and receiving weed the same way. We are the definition of typical lazy stoners.
I just feel as thought we should spend the day in which we celebrate relationships the same as how we started them. Drunken hook ups.
You stole a frozen pizza from the freezer, stuffed it in the back of your shirt then proceeded to leave the party.
Hypothetically how does one go about throwing away a dildo?
You can't just beat off while driving someone else's car. Thats a rule
Thats your rule and this car is nice
That moment when your mom is so drunk she makes you get out of bed to lay in her bed because she thinks it feels like sleeping on a marshmallow peep....
I'm eating cheesecake with my hands completely naked while falling asleep
where did we go last night? there's dollar bills all over my room & they're all wet.
You ever feel like just rubbing your face in everything like a dog?
I had to say goodbye to one of my fuck buddies last night. He's voting for Trump, we shouldn't be doing it anyways.
The guy at the liqiour store just said "Wow haven't seen you in awhile, is everything okay?"
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