I just saw a commercial that said "call your doctor if erections last more than 4 hours". I said "disgusting" and my mom said "I know, i hate when that happens." Get me out of here.
could you grab mr moo while you're at his apt?
you brought your stuffed animal to a booty call?
let's have our labels/stereotypes/careers for each kid by next week.
oh how i love working at summer camp.
Ryan Ross and Jon Walker left panic at the disco today.
I predict a mass suicide of the 14 year old girl population...
is it really weird I just got "suckable tits" in my honesty box and I'm flattered??
Just saw a maroon grand am stop on my street, the driver opened the door, vomited, and then drove away like nothing happened. Been there, done that.
After skinny dipping in your pond, I think me and tequila have added a whole new dynamic to our relationship.
he keeps trying to sext me and all I can do is respond with descriptions of what im eating.
Hide in the closet. if you hear me yell patato salad come out swinging.
Beer acquired. Food is cooking
Wow, you are almost sliding into home plate for some stellar fellatio
If I don't have the money by then, I'll pay you in sex.
It's going to be 23.5 times of sex and 19 blow jobs. I just googled it.
Looking through last night's sexting, realized one is a haiku..
The smell of mosquito spray completely ruined the sex.
Pretty sure the guy I hooked up with Saturday gave me a buy one get one free coupon for chipotle. Who said nice guys don't exist?
There is a huge fucking spider in my bathroom....I can just burn our apartment down right? What do you need me to grab?
Randomize