Just wanted to remind you that you literally cut the underwear off a man.
Yea.. I remember nothing. Except that the taxi driver was 56 years old and apparently never cheated on his wife.
Half my make-up was stuck to his thigh where I'd fallen asleep after the blowjob.
don't judge, it's breakfast wine Wednesday.
Went to an open-bar law school party and puked in front of Justice Scalia. My legal career is now complete -- I literally got judged by a U.S. Supreme Court Justice. Can't get any higher than that.
I've known you for the past two years. You never kid about biology or alcohol.
I got a blowjob dressed with a t shirt sweatpants and a Fanny pack. Not kidding.
After the clumsiest day of my life I think it's safe to say my dream of being a ninja is dead. Memorial service with a glass of wine at 8pm
Uhmm, it's called hentai.
I DON'T CARE WHAT IT'S CALLED I DON'T WANT TO SEE IT ON MY WORK COMPUTER
I felt like I was selling my soul to satan but then I realized I already pawned it for drug money
Lord give me the strength to not check my tinder messages at my grandmother's wake.
When he identified himself as captain clitoris i knew my night was fucked.
I hope that will b the last time i take off my pants in the chemistry building.
I kicked down a wall in rage and found a door behind the drywall. Once again vandalism solves all my problems.
Can you dump a guy for having pierced nipples or is that shallow?
Randomize