Its sad we have to plan out fun a month in advance. 30 sucks.
We were so tired we rock paper scissored for who would be on top. I won.
At a pool hall. Dudes walkin around with fuzzy handcuffs cuffed to his belt. The douche bag level grows higher still
well, someone with very low standards is getting their dick sucked
Package from mother. Contents: Cookies, my old pokemon cards, and condoms. Note: "These have a July 2010 expiration date so give them away or use them with a gal that would be a great daughter in law. Love Mom" Love you too momma
When I like her vacation photos, it really means "Im sleeping with your boyfriend." wonder if she will make the connection.
12 trash cans filled with water. Beer cans floating in each, 12 ft apart. Dodgeball. Ultimate beer pong.
Rules. We have to wear superhero outfits
And I'd make him talk dirty to me. In Forrest Gump's voice.
I can't help but feel like we would be friends still if my phone didn't always capitalize BUTTLOAD...
Yes, he did use his cock to direct traffic from my 3rd story window. That's why I love him
Hey girl, do you remember you made me brush your hair with a plastic fork on Saturday night?
How could she say that about my foreskin when she hasn't even seen all the cool stuff I can do with it?
I'm at the back whiskey bar with a 7 and 7 in a winnie the pooh costume. Come find me.
It's hard picking what to wear when you know the plan is sex. Like can't I just wear my robe let's just simplify this.
I know I drink too much cuz "ssssjllapph peneinssesss" automatically comes up in my phone now.
Randomize
