Hey sis... Don't forget moms day is this sun. And don't get her another gift while you are freakin high this time. The vibrator was embarrassing.
FYI the vibrator was a SUCCESS. She was in a much better mood this last year. Maybe you should get high this time and get a great gift
Man, i was looking at the pictures i took last night in one i was on the Kentucky line fist pumping with a hobo..wth happened?
No, this time she was diabetic. I think I fucked her into diabetic shock.
I was trying to be really smart and save 10 dollars for each cab there and back. ...so I ripped a $20 dollar bill in half.
Dear Beer Goggles, it's time to see the eye doctor. With love, your biggest fan.
When I said to shut up, I meant it. I'm sorry you have a bald spot now, but it was necessary.
Only thing I got out of his drunken Spanish is something that sounded like "pencil sharpener." Damn rosetta stone.
Well I never thought in the future I'd be able to say "hey remember that Easter I made porn?"
Yeah she let me pull the goalie and wear my USA flag like a cape since it was the first day of the world cup
Just had my butthole waxed. If that changes your plans for Saturday..
Pregnancy has ruined porn for me. I can't watch a hot chick get it on without being jealous of her perfectly waxed shit. I can't even see my shit.
Our friendship just got weirder. He snapchated me the porn he was watching.
All she has to do is text me and my dick gets hard. She asked how my day was going and it got hard.
One lesson I've learned so far from college: You've always got time for one more shot. Always
You know it's a good May 2-4 when it involves 14 straight hours of vodka slush and garlic bread
Randomize
