some old guy just shit himself in my section. everyones leaving
Steve is enlightening me on how and why u put gerbils up your ass
I'm just gonna be the bigger person here and say I want you inside me
She took a break from repeating "my face is still buzzing!" to say that the phantom of the opera could be here
I just got this text "hi this is Julie, I met you last night in the bathroom. You asked me to text you and remind you that you ate an entire lime, because you figured your sober self in the morning would be confused."
Trevor is horny so he just called me to tell me all the things that he would like to do with his future wife. That's a new one.
Nothing is worse than post drunken playoff baseball loss sex
Oh you know..Chillin with your dad.
With a fannypack full of drugs.
I was stretching naked in the middle of my room singing "Somewhere Over the Rainbow", apparently this is what I do when I'm high and the wifi goes out
I'm literally rolling on acid for the first time during Thanksgiving. Help me.
You seem to be avoiding the poop question. How did you poop on your hand?
The people at Perkins seem so judgemental. Big deal if i'm handcuffed to stripper in a star-n-stripes bikini. We still gotta eat.
i really didnt think i was that drunk last night but the txts from unknwn #s that say i like your lace panties are def telling me otherwise
While finding our clothes afterwards he says..."So do we like have to talk after this?"
You know the story of the boner party, right? They got stuck in the mountains and ate each other?
It was the Donner party... boner party was the porn version...
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