Yeah, but thats the third time she's peed on me.
Just now remembered singing Trashy Women at the reception. Not karaoke, just sang along with the mic I stole from the DJ. All while still in my dress drinking champagne from the bottle
he said he did everything he could to puke on his nurses because they were doing everything wrong
Thats admirable.
.......The other day I peed on him in the shower....he was trying to touch my boobs and I wanted my space.
Currently sitting in the movie theatre bathroom while she gives him a blowjob in the parking lot. Don't ever tell me I'm a bad friend.
Friendly reminder that on the walk home you tripped but instead of falling to the sidewalk, you tried to save it and ended up headbutting my ex-boyfriend in the balls. ILU.
I offered to lick your vagina while wearing a suit... Pretty sure chivalry is well alive.
I JUST WATCHED PAULA DEEN PUT BUTTER IN HER BLOODY MARY. This is not a drill. Real life.
as he was bent over the toilet, he turned to me and said "barbarian kyle is much stronger than regular kyle" and then went right back to puking.
exhale infront of a fan. self shotgun.
My friend wants your phone number so you can teach her how to take a beer bong. She saw you doing them last night and got jealous.
Just tell her to open her throat. I don't want to talk to anyone who is jealous of someone who woke up this morning with a cat in their shirt as a result of that glorious beer bonging skill.
WHY CANT I FIND JUST A NORMAL DISNEY LOVING MAN TO PAINT WITH ALL THE COLORS OF THE WIND WITH!!
You kept calling yourself a spider monkey... Then ran to the bathroom to "prepare for the main event"
I might be a bit late, couldn't find my pants and had to go to the police station. Unrelated
he had a cock ring. i orgasmed before he even put it in
Randomize
