Afterall, it is the real San Francisco treat
Yeah, I tried playing the "see how long he can stay inside of me" game.. And I lost.
I wish there was a morning after pill that made you instantly sober
I woke up with spaghetti in my mouth
If she's telling you consent laws theres probably a reason
I just sniffled when I woke up and got a bump of coke. I have never felt so good hung over.
last night a police horse bit me when i was wasted. even the animal kingdom knows i'm no good
I have no idea how I got home or why I am naked but I assume I owe you a thank you...
She's drunk as hell locked up I. The bathroom with my shoes where do I go from here
Am I really that high, or did I just spray febreeze outside ?
I like that our conversation ended with "im gonna go get pregnant goodnight"
To the point, I hope I remember where to put my dick when I finally get laid again
You have a 50 50 chance
This was the first funeral I've ever attended where I had to pee behind a bush cuz someone was passed-out drunk in the locked bathroom. Steve would have been proud.
He's hot, clean, can actually cook, and best of all isn't a narcissistic prick. I found a unicorn.
Ride that fucker.
You’re better off without him. Actually, he’s better off without you and that’s what really matters
Randomize
