What started out as a threesome has become me sitting here watching them have sex... Can I get a ride home?
so that guy from last night texted me saying i flashed half of my extended family last night. so classy.
Yeah but if I do that, I'd have to buy my own stomach pump for the house. That doesn't seem like a great thing to have sitting on the coffee table.
i've been fucking this guy since february and just found out he might be uncircumsized. currently google image searching to confirm.
your mascara is on the toilet seat from when you fell asleep last night
I have not carelessly put myself in herpes way since I got a clean bill of health tyvm.
He puked, did more shots, and then pissed in a drawer. We thought it was bad enough and all of a sudden...boom-clothes come off and he passes out with slippers and a styrofoam hat on and a guitar hero guitar in hand pretending he was slash.
Medically YOU CAN'T BE AN ALCOHOLIC TILL 25!!!!! WE GET 3 BONUS YEARS!!!!
If I had a dick as big as yours. The world would be an oyster. An oyster smaller than my big penis
Showing up to Easter hungover, late, and covered in black an blues from pole dancing. Daughter of the year.
We're Scorpios. We're like dogs rolling in whatever smells good to us.
It's because of weed that I don't mind driving an hour to visit my family. And it's because of you that there's weed in my life. Thank you.
If I don't have tequila in my hand soon, I'm going to have to violate human rights laws
The last time I've felt a woman's touch, the twin towers were compromised. You can wait like one week
Is it bad form to spend company money and place an ad in the paper because I wanna nail the sales girl?
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