he fingered me, smelled his fingers, then asked me what i ate today..
Just went to my life planning class. The professor has a braid going halfway down his back and an earring.
The cops just drove by on their loudspeaker going DO NOT DRINK THE WATAHH
I love boston
I dunno if we should get high tonight man. its daylight savings. time travel is just too much for me right now.
She was crying, alone at a college bar. It would have been rude NOT to try and show my penis to her.
As long as you're naked and covered in glow paint, I'm there.
You fought the bouncer and lost, then challenged a hobo to a 40 chugging contest and lost. Sobriety is a good life choice.
True but, who really needs money in europe? Just barter with sexual favors. A bowl of cereal is worth a blowjob.
He can only pee with the faucet running. It's like I'm dating a fucking toddler.
I can't tell if my bong is gender-neutral or not
I was hammered helping a pregnant woman at the gas station name her unborn child. We had to try everything with two different last names because she was waiting on the results of her paternity test.
The appetizer at the dinner I went to tonight was Klonopin and a Bloody Mary.
He makes balloon animals that get you high? Hell yeah invite him over!
We have a great relationship based on communication, sex, and mutual loathing.
sometimes u just gotta ride a dildo and forget about life
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