You know the guy who poops at a party and then leaves and you go in, do your business, and come out and there are girls outside that think you pooped and no one talks to you? I'm the guy who poops before you go in, because I'm in a relationship and I hate you.
is not sure whether or not everyone at the club last night calling me a-easy is a good thing?
I know it's getting bad when I wash the bong more often then the dishes
Also, we should really buy some bandaids. Right now I'm using toilet paper and scotch tape, but I don't really think that's sanitary.
She's the perfect storm when it comes to psycho stalkers
Ok wear gym clothes just in case we feel like going shitfaced to the gym
I tried to convince the Lobo Card people to take my pic with my sunglasses on because I will probably always be this hungover.
I vote for a trading skills night. You teach me to juggle, I'll teach you knife fighting, and we'll both learn banjo
Just in case the world ends tomorrow, I have an emergency contact group of booty calls I can send a quick "let's fuck" to before I die.
He drunk texted me what I think is two snails fucking on a mushroom. Is "you sick bastard" too mild a rejection?
New rule. If he's too busy to put the "H" in "what" then I'm too busy to put his D in me.
If you're not my stylist, having sex with me, or agreeing to have sex with me don't fucking touch my hair.
Are you okay? You're not sitting at home on facebook. I'm worried about you.
Haha. I found pics last week of me getting motorboated by a girl while i was taking a shot. Hahaha in my wedding dress. Classy
Of course his biggest mistake was assuming that I ever gave a fuck to begin with.
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