I love my grandma, but if I have to sit and watch one more show on Bravo, I'm gonna burn her fuckin house to the ground
watching "look who's talking now." getting choked up at the end when they find each other at the cabin
doesn't that movie star kirstie alley and have talking dogs in it? new low...even for you
hey, this is the drunk ass freshman from last night. thanks alot for helping me out last night, i'd probably be on some lawn if it wasn't for you guys! and my mom says thanks for talking to her
I feel like I'm in a bed a bagels and mistakes.
How long does it take to cook a corndog over a candle?
There's just something about a dollar tree pregnancy test that screams THIS WASNT PLANNED!
Wanna tell me why vodka seeped out of the memory foam when I climbed into my bed?
Woke up in a wet suit with my junk cut out. In a strange apartment. Just found thing biggest bong u have ever seen. WHERE ARE YOU?!?!?!
You can't start the super bowl without starting a kitchen fire making cole slaw. Its unamerican.
I don't even want to know
i ended up eating cold sauceless spaghetti out of the container in the fridge with my hands.
I'm pretty sure that I drunkenly used the phrase "I just want his beard all over my body" way too many times last night.
I want an apology pizza with SORRY IM A DOUCHE spelled out on it in pepperoni
You know, this is NOT how I pictured my life would be when I was younger, and yet here we are.
Just had a smooth transition from sexting to buffalo chicken dip 😂😂😂
Your skills amaze me
he's not even weird he's been offering me different drinks all night
oh i remember now hes the guy that liked when i peed on him
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