I'm calling you out on twitter if you don't come over right now.
Dude you have to stop using "I eat good pussy" as a pick up line
Just waterfalled in the movie theatre... this is the beginning to a good night
I need to stop taking drags of other peoples cigarettes, it's such a tease. Like playing just the tip, you just can't
the general consensus of people in the room is that i should have another bottle of wine.
"people in the room" being me.
I just taped a plastic bag to my ceiling for the next time I have to throw up on the top bunk. Why am I so good at college?
Sorry I didn't pick up for your booty call. I usually am asleep at 4:00 on Thursdays. Like a normal person.
You were yelling at the bowl of salad and telling it to quit taunting you and telling you to go to tacobell
I just found like 5 packs of sparklers. If someone doesn't get set on fire tonight I am retiring from party hosting.
Come make me food. I feel like if I go in the kitchen I will just get Gin.. and pass out in there.
I can't tell if I'm getting better at doing my online spanish hw drunk or if my teacher is just grading on creativity. Either way that senoritas gettin an applebees gift card when i graduate.
The last thing I remember from that party was me shouting "hold my feet I'm going in strapped like Rambo"
Yup. Dog walker, house sitter and mistress to the rich, bored and bi-curious. I've got a nice little operation running.
Jello shots and homoerotic movie scenes bingo?
Nothing says "single girl" quite like Pinot Grigio and canned ravioli at 11:30 pm....
Randomize
