y did u give ur computer a hand job?
At what point did we cease to have vaginas?
Sometime in the sweat pants phase freshman year.
I dumped him because he's never seen star wars. I'm certain I did the right thing.
Care to explain to me why theres a baby food jar filled with semen in my fridge? or why its labeled as unicorn sweat?
I just imagined your drunkass eating Taco Bell in my living room. This is the Godmother of my potential child.
I only get commercials for vodka and Rogaine now. You're exactly right, Hulu. That's exactly right.
It was fun until the stripper told me it was her first day and started crying.
Last night after the bar I went home and ate a pulled pork sandwich in a bubble bath
My saliva right now is around 7.6% alcohol/volume.
He looked at me like he knew me, and I looked at him like I had seen his penis before.
I gather from Facebook you got drunk last night and took semi naked pictures of yourself?
In honor of Dennis Farina dying, I'm offering up free mustache rides...2 takers so far.
he's a fucking beast. people that don't even know him have started calling him "puke and raleigh"
I just bought a butt plug on Amazon prime day and you're the only person I felt would appreciate that decision
I love you so much and not just because your dick is perfect
Randomize