You know how my eyes change color? Well I noticed after I hook up with someone my eyes are greener.
Wow, so you're like the Edward Cullen of sluts.
I got "discovered a new religion high" last night
just saw the guy i hooked up with last nights' face on a billboard. win.
WHOA. WHOA. WTF. WHOA. TOO HIGH FOR HIM TO BE ENGAGED RIGHT NOW.
It involved homemade coconut rum, a waterfall, and street signs. I'll leave the rest to your capable imagination.
Sober December ended when I found beer behind my bed...I lost $2000 but spent 6 hours sober. Meet me at the bar?
you kept thanking chef boyardee for having pull tab cans
How do you get a black eye playing beer pong??
"So you think you can dance" turned into "so you think you can run and slide across the bar"...Jack Daniels wins
It was the best of bangs; it was the worst of bangs.
somehow I feel like "adventures with cocaine and molly" wouldn't be an appropriate "How I Spent My Spring Break" essay topic.
You're a Heat fan? You lose any chance blowjob bc of your poor choice.
I'm sorry I tried to stab you. I just really wanted those mozerella sticks.
Sexting and pancakes... It's going to be hard to top that
Bring beers. The password is "I brought beers" but you can't come in if you're a liar
Randomize
