I may just buy something cuz i have 6 weddings in the next year and a half.
Holy shittt I don't even have a bf
i chose cheese fries over sex for the third time this week.
Too late. I'm going over there. I'm a bad example for all women: Do as I say, not who I do.
Hey I think I found part of your tooth next to your wine bottle in the floor board of my car.
This girl has a mullet weave. I missed oakland.
Is "incoherent" a legit goal to strive for tonight? Or should I stay sober enough to fuck who I can?
I tried to interpretive dance to Candy Shop to stop the awkwardness.
I'm still pretty stoned. There are mini rice cakes in my robe pocket to snack on in the shower.
don't give me stepladders when i'm stoned.. i woke up to a slice of balogna nailed to the ceiling
you bit my nipple really hard and then looked at me and said 'i feel responsible for the state of your nipples'
I mean go ahead and let your freak flag fly but if you could not fly it in my bed that would be great
Sorry, I gave half my brain to my thesis and the other half to mdma
I got snowed in at my parent's. everyone's asleep so I'm smoking a joint in my old room and watching Tarzan on a 12" tv.
They must be so glad to have you home...
He's a fucking ninja- think of the things he can probably do with his dick.
I’ll call you in a minute. Trying to book an AirBnB so I can finally bang the yummy guy from yoga
Your downward dog is going to rock his cock. I’m jealous
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