i crushed up some extenze and put them in his protein powder - should make for an interesting gym experience
i'm at the gym and so are four guys who have seen my tits. i need winter break.
I'm so hungover i just sang the alphabet to see if "Z" comes after "W"
we tried have sex after i gave him a handjob. he wouldnt get hard and kept saying his little boy is broken.. please come get me
there were more penises there than on chat roulette
We're the kind of people who ruin family vacations
Shit. Come in my room. Bring a trashcan and an icepack
i can now proudly say that ive peed off of a balcony overlooking the pacific ocean AND a balcony overlooking the atlantic ocean
I was asking the bouncer, "if I fall will you catch me?" which then turned into "if I jump off the roof will you catch me?" He said no.
Hey, I didn't ask that stripper to put her unds in my mouth, it was just covered by the plus package fee I ordered.
Dad was on the deck drinking straight bourbon. He stopped, puked on his feet, and then continued drinking and talking about compound interest.
Today, I lack passion for anything but Taco Tuesday.
YOU SLEPT WITH A GUY WHO HAS A BILLBOARD IN HIS HONOR?
so it turns out that when you ride the subway drunk at 5 am you wake up with a sailor in your bed
Omg worst high ever. I'm watching Parks and Rec, and all i can think about is how andy, leslie, and tom are my closest friends. Forever alone.
Randomize
