What can I say...he's packing some serious heat down there. You wouldn't expect that looking at him, huh?
I guess God knew he was going to be bald...
You were asking people if they could pee on you while you shotgunned beers
that's the ideal party shoe. cute, but i can still puke in them.
I guess the cop knew i was on a walk of shame and felt bad...i got to play with the siren the rest of the way home
Well. Turns up no one actually knows who that kid was. Came in, said happy fathers day, chilled for a while, then left.
i want to have awesome sex and feel fuzzy.
I imagine my service panda will provide sufficient protection. At the very least it will be an irresistible cuddly distraction while I make good my escape.
I got frustrated so I just stood up and said take me to bed or lose me forever and banged the first guy who responded show me the way home. Thank you Top Gun.
You were mean to me and you broke my heart and hurt my feelings. You dont get to talk to me about Peter Dinklage
I can empathize with sociopaths, serial killers, demons, gods, and monsters....straight white males are literally the only barrier to my 100% empathy rate. I don't get it.
Wait... why were you finger painting at one in the morning?
Thanks for wearing matching bob ross shirts to the bar with me and referring to every guy as a happy little accident
Sex on the trampoline with your two best friends cheering you on: PRICELESS.
JUST BECAUSE I ANSWER THE DOOR NAKED CARRYING A BOTTLE OF RUM DOESN'T MEAN YOU CAN STARE NEIGHBORS.
Come on in and take your pants off
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