He was crying to my sister about feeling like a bad person. Then he groped my breasts.
i don't know at this point bringing the fog horn might be a good idea...
I feel like somehow my uterus ended up in my ribcage from all the keg stands i did last night..
God my Facebook chat is a graveyard of old blowjobz
Apparently there was a point in the night that they literally thought he was dead, ass naked on the floor. That bad.
He knows my period schedule but not my work schedule.
The fact that when I blacked in you were sober enough to kick me out of your roommates bed makes me question our friendship.
I just commented on the education level of his penis.
I tried to high-five the cop last night. he just looked at my raised hand and told me to go to bed.
You said you'd make me a thank you card for taking care of your drunk ass. I'll be expecting that monday.
you stuck pieces of bread to your face with peanut butter and asked if it looked like you had a facial yeast infection.
ohhhh that's why they asked me to leave...
Never thought I'd say this, but getting head from a skeleton was better than I thought. Happy Halloween
Yeah but you let me touch your butt. You're clearly the winner.
I'm sorry my shit is everywhere... I accidentally got drunk while packing
you know you should be lucky to find the case to my dildo....that means no more random guys at the house!
Randomize
