I have a love/hate relationship when men come within a 10 minute time frame.
Also do the "tongue the pee-hole" thing.
update. expensive tequila only makes the mistakes more expensive.
I have realized now that neither the top nor bottom of a bunk bed is safe for sex....
He woke up, mumbled "silverware", and went back to sleep
Saw a sign earlier "Domino's Lava Cakes $3.00" and I thought of you. This text brought to you by thing I don't need to know about your sex life.
Okay well someone asked "IS HE HOMELESS?" about me so I need to try and find somebody.
First I must say that I am disappointed to learn that you knowingly have trashy friends with whom you've not hooked me up.
Dude, I just had the best sex of my life in a porta potty at the NCAA girls lax championships but didn't get her name or number. But I have her sunglasses. How is this possible, I'm sad.
I love your life.
you kept saying "i will not *breathe* regret this *breathe* in the morning *breathe* i just gotta remember *breathe* to BREATHE"
You know you come from good stock when you can have a family discussion about excuses to scam pain pills from the doctors
Drunk yet?
Well I just did the worm on an empty dance floor while the bridesmaids were serving cake. You tell me.
I got dropped off at my house at like 1030. Woke up hugging a street cat I've never seen before. Ended up drinking 260 oz of beer. 65 types. Then went out after blehhhhhh
Im selling my dirty underwear to pay for that cruise. NO JUDGEMENT . I love you lol ❤❤ also dont tell anyone
You talk the same way I hallucinate.
Randomize
