It totally doesn't make me a groupie if I hooked up with him before he was in the Olympics
Ok, let's play "if you were a slut" again and try and retrace our steps last night..
And the clouds opened up and the sex gods said I hate you alfalfa
My liver is crying. And I feel like I got fingered by Edward Scissorhands. While he was wearing brass knuckles
She legitimately thought I was hiding in the fridge, then she checked the second one to be sure
If you need to be the damsel in drunken distress make sure it's before 3.
Can you stop being a bitch and just take some Kaluha shots with me bro?!?
I just watched a stripper purchase $43 of Rockstar and corn nuts. Godamnit! We need helmet cams.
She was about to leave with you until you started singing "You Hoes Ain't Loyal" in her face
pretty sure I woke up to him jacking himself off IN MY BED
I got really stoned and got my certification as an ordained minister. How productive has your day been?
Chicks dig it when you smell like bong water and frebreeze.
How many Hail Marys does a girl need to say to get some quality nudes?
Dude, he came to our house with a beer can in his hand dressed up in a chicken suit screaming, "free eggs!" then threw up and passed out in the front yard.
I left you a really long drunk voicemail and I remember something about a bat
Randomize
