brb k???!! plz don't leave i want 2 tlk bout r rltnshp
Five things that make you perfect. Go.
The skin of a dead hooker. The blood of the innocent. The soul of a kitten. The hat from cat in the hat. And sunglasses.
how do I tell him nicely and in french that we can't have sex anymore because his huge penis will ruin me for other french men?
Blackout strip poker. Now. Bring flashlights because we found that candles are dangerous with nudity.
You have all of her herpes and none of my sympathy
I even tried crushing up viagra and putting it in his beer... And the next day he found the package on the counter. I told him it was for my friends husband.
So the contents found in my winter coats this year: coat 1, condom and 10$. Coat 2, condom and 75$ check. Coat 3, 2.05$ and a sunflower seed.
Obviously coat 3 had the best time since you used the condom and all of the money
he puked in the sink and didnt turn off the water before he passed out on the bathroom floor. its been 2 hrs and we finally noticed that the whole fucking house is flooded. to hell with this birthday party
wrestling a boy for fruit? sounds suspiciously like foreplay...
Pretty sure that propositioning you to fly across the country for sex fest '13 isn't something my husband would approve of.
Some nice lady just gave me a beer out of her purse. I love youth hockey
5 hours of volunteer work playing with puppies and banned from the frat I hate most as 'punishment'... Besides the ER trip, I'm not seeing the bad in this situation
I left her alone for a few minutes and she's already using a guy on his hands and knees as a chair while another guy is serving her margaritas.
WHO GIVES HANDJOBS AT 8 IN THE FUCKING MORNING
You think my vibrator will be okay in the dishwasher?
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