Pooping in your heated bathroom to the sound of rain and instrumental guitar might be the greatest experience ever.
I feel like a squirrel prepping for the winter on dollar beer nights.
It's not like I'm never gonna put out again. I'm a sure thing. I promise.
Just purchased ketchup, body wash, and lube. Hope you're ready for the post-memorial-day-cookout-shower-anal.
It's like you're the one guy who got the "girls have clits" memo.
I'm eating a subway sandwich in the bathtub because I don't want to move. God bless boys from Brooklyn
God if that man would just have sex with me every time I got mad life would be so much easier...
He broke into my house because he missed me. Then ends the relationship because I'm the needy one. Ironic much?
Have you ever tried to have sex with a fairy? My penis is literally bigger than her.
she's p upset bro
Where is he. I have a sword.
Can't really tell your Mom you are moody due to dick deprivation.
I just fell and sprained my ankle in the shower. No, I wasn't having sex. I was doing the time warp. Again.
You WHAT?!?!
Paid. A. Homeless. Guy. To. Throw. A. Drink. In. Her. Face.
I fucking love you.
TJ is going to paint me in a Patriots Jersey he can paint you in an eagle jersey. Did this last year and got so much dick.
He went down on me for like 30 min and honestly half the time I thought about those videos where people can smash watermelons with their legs and I just wanted to do that to his skull
Randomize
