Also, i'm pretty sure i've had my birth control pill stuck in my throat since like...two pm. So i'll be practicing safe oral sex tonight.
Just threw up in airport security. Happy holidays.
I can't believe he would be such an ass
Your boobs are way too big for you to be worrying about anything.
someone wrote "the short drunk lives here" on our door. i already have a reputation
Do you remember snorting allspice and yelling at doughnut shop girl?
I really gotta be careful. My email inbox is equal parts notifications from instructors and this dude's dick. If I get drunk and reply to the wrong thing I might get kicked out of grad school.
It feels like im being cuddled by a thousand little smurf vaginas
Her throat is strong enough to gargle peanut butter. I'm sure you were satisfied.
The bartender was shocked when I took the mop bucket from him and told him I'd take care of my friends puke.
The alcohol just runs so smoothly thru my veins.
I know that we've never been that tight but I want you to meet my cat before I move.
It looks like I murdered a care bear and put its blood in my hair to warn the others off.
I just made kick ass drunk stir fry while taking care of three other drunk people and doing shots. I don't understand how that's not wife material
I am in serious pain and you're making dick jokes. I hope you wind up with crotch rot.
One of my favorite March activities is cropdusting people while wearing a kilt.
Randomize