Once you see the odd facial expressions and noises a guy makes while he is furiously beating off on top of you, it kind of puts things into perspective.
Dan is more possessive of me than a Michael Jackson is of McCully Caulkin
was*
True, R.I.P.
shotgunning a bud heavy is like shotgunning a turkey sandwich
Just realized our kids will one day call us old because we were around when texting came about. I'm sad.
whats a positive sounding word for "exploit"?
i love being in ibiza. their hotels are much more receptive to walking around naked in the lobby than our american ones.
I swear every time I make the effort to make my hair look nice, someone jizzes in it.
just cheers'ed a flock of cattle as i drove past eating a burger i bought 7 hours ago. that high.
I just found a weed leaf in my leg hair..
I just saw two homeless guys bond over the fact that they both use Crown Royal bags as wallets in Burger King.
somebody should make me the poster child for not drinking everclear..
Wake up. Eat bread. Find your dignity. Don't be late for work again.
If I stopped drinking I'd have to take up murdering.
You owe me a one night stand and a line. Possible an inflatable flamingo as well. And a caesar salad.
If history is any guide, his morals are no match for my tits
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