Flirting with the rich sleazy owner of the club: 1 way ticket to free sushi, drinks, and VIP passes. FUck! im better with older men than i am with babies and dogs
WHO ATE OUR COOKIES WHAT THE FUCK THOSE WERE GOURMET
Dude if I didn't piss myself last night I dont think I would have woke up in time for work.
We just took the batteries out of the fire alarm to play the breathalyzer game. I love college.
We went into lab today and when no one was looking i touched our cadaver's penis!
I don't remember her missing an ear while we were at the bar
I'm really not interested in hearing from him. Unless there is casual sex involved
They should just send me home - I'm literally doing nothing but watching porn and listening to pandora.
Shotgunning beers to finish a midterm project at 3am is a good idea right?
You are the tramp this city needs, but not the one it deserves.
He kept telling me Te Amo last night. Over and over. And that he was scared. Drunkenly. In Spanish.
he sent me the greatest dick pic I've ever received.
he actually took the time to cut a fingertip off of a glove then put it on his dick like a beanie. he called it hipster dick.
It's my birthday weekend! I'm getting a Brazilian and he's going to fucking Arkansas. Where the fuck are his priorities?
Girl i am always here for you. But i am going to have sex now so im going to call you in the morning.
G&T. Gin and tonic. GIN AND TONIC. GIN AND TONIC AND FUCKING LIME
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