cant believe you said you would bone perez hilton
i said paris hilton
thats even worse
she was trying to give me a handjob in biology class while we were learning about the penis.
I just spent an unhealthy amount of money overnighting a full adult sized Trix Rabbit Halloween costume
She called me Jeff during sex, I just kept going like nothing happened. To think, if I was a woman that would be a problem.
If you bang a chick other than your girlfriend while playing tiger woods on xbox I wonder if an accomplishment would come up...
It's kind of sad that your greatest accomplishment today is that you stood up and didn't fall down.
apparently i'm really good at getting wasted, having sex all night, getting multiple hickeys and oversleeping father's day brunch. this is the third year its happened.
Just ordered an appetizer sampler to distract the fat chicks so we can escape
Let's just say trying to drink my weight in apple pie shots looked better in theory.
What's that word that means bigger and smaller and bigger and smaller, again?
Goddamn it, Jaime, it's 4am. Throbbing. The word is throbbing.
Me ending up in the fetal position in my shower is becoming far too commonplace. It's like a weekly therapy session
I will sleep with anyone I have to to make sure you don't get deported
she hacked my macbook and downloaded an illegal version of the original pokemon red, completely nude in my computer chair. there were several levels of hornyness existing all at once
We've been staking out a taco bell for 2 hours trying to find last night's one night stand
Fuck that guy and his dumb haircut and awesome dick
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