how come the more i say "don't get it in my eyes," the more gets in my eyes
I forgot it was 4/20. that COMPLETELY explains the 7/11. i was like "that's a lot of white dudes... and they're really into snacking."
Yo I'm texting you while getting a bj. I know, I'm the man. Told her I was texting my mom in the hospital.
Well unless he sent his sperm via fedex, this baby isnt his
She set an alarm on my phone for her birthday. Place: Her bed.
Homeboy was juggling while taking bong rips. Of course he got laid.
its kind of scaring me that i am turned on by tom cruise in rock of ages
Speaking of gay, some dude in a life vest just goes, we should pull our dicks out! To larry. Were leaving now. I saw penis
I legitimately had a champagne shower last night at a rave. I was also carrying around two bananas in my pockets like guns. Drunk doesn't even. Begin to explain My night.
For the sake of my mom, I can't sleep with two guys with the same name. She has a hard enough time keeping up as it is
Eight drinks in. Subject is fondling chips before eating them. Intoxicated texting has expanded from best friend to random guy I met in FBLA.
Best feedback on my performance so far: "There are things that can't be unseen."
I went up by the border of Canada. We took shrooms and went fishing...pretty sure we killed a dragon and ate it for dinner
I'm going to preface tonight by saying that I'm sorry for tequila, shopping carts, and having to chase me.
At some point i am going to say to you "i have this really bad idea! You in? " just go with it.
Randomize
