I thought at least he would want to exchange numbers after he tried to put it in my bum
Hungover. Be in at noonish. Turn my monitor on and put a hot cup of coffee on my desk so the boss thinks I'm in
Its a three day weekend with Valentines day thrown in... Im obligated to get drunk
it was like fucking gandolphs beard
i dont understand blimps. what would happen if they collided would they just bounce off or fall to the ground.
dude how high are you right now?
do you think jeeves would know? you do it. ask jeeves.
i have a surprise for you that looks bigger since I found my body hair trimmer
sooo....i just remembered that someone fed me a pretzel out of their purse at the bar last night.
Bad news: I found out that girl you want has a boyfriend. Good news: she'll probably cheat on him with you. Better news: after seeing the way she treats him, that's the most interaction you're going to want with her anyway. Trust me.
I remember halftime. Then I woke up in Spain. I need a drink in order to process this.
Hey dude. I've got a mini fridge in my closet now so we don't have to worry about getting drunk and falling down the stairs on our way to get more beer.
well if they don't get here soon...no fuck it, I'm going to the strip club.
You should help rebuild my confidence with your dick. Altruism: Pass it on.
You're like the fucking Mozart of sexting.
I feel like him using the excuse "I'm not a fan of lying" to stop me from sleeping around is hypocritical since he's cheating on his wife with me.
Legit just heard the bartender tell some Dude "Penis is not an accepted currency in this establishment" and Dude responded "You take Vagina then?"
Randomize
