I can't disclose who, but one time I called someone, they didn't pick up, and immediately texted back 'will call later, masturbating'
I thought that was really considerate
I am really glad that on the inside of a card from your grandparents you have transcribed the rules for circle of death
He just said "I made some changes in my life. The male g-spot is in the rectum and I wanted to explore that."
Went to my car this morning. Found a waffle from Waffle House in the front seat. No idea how it got there. So hung over I ate it.
do you realize that she was the awkward lesbian in high school and now bangs more girls than probably both of us combined?!
You can't break up with me and ask me for a handjob on the same day. At least not in that order.
I may not have eyeballs after all the drunk naked people having sex outside.
She once gave me sex advice over the phone while intoxicated. So no you don't have the cooler therapist.
There should be a rule.......that if you have a small penis you must wear a hat with propellers on it so you can fly the hell off the planet.
You know you are 86'd from the legacy right? You can't down shots then spike the shot glass
All he did was like my Instagram picture and I'm already planning how to turn down sex with him this weekend...
My roommates call me "Queen of the Skanks" I guess that means I've had a successful first month of college.
She had her pubic hair down there shaved into the superman s............. Best one night stand ever.
I got a hand job after work. Remember those? From the 90s...
My EX’s roommate heard about the breakup and offered to help me bang it out. I think she hates her even more than I do.
Randomize
