I am not drunk. I will recite the pledge.
I don't want you to recite the pledge!
Pledge alligien to america to united states of america
I would say the hottest chick there looked like Susan Boyle and the ugliest like Bea Arthur
Nice use of current day folklore
he stopped mid-fuck to ask me how my day was....
I just met the 30 percent of the population with an STD
she gave me a disgusted look and asked how i could live with myself. because i havent seen the rocky horror picture show. and then dumped me.
He was going nice and slow, then he yelled " BOONNEESTOORRMM!!!!!". I can't walk straight.
Sorry you had to see that, but on the bright side...at least I trust you enough to have sex in front of you
She kept chasing him yelling thief, because he drank some of her drink. That was at 8, it got worse.
BTW, it's bullshit to say that not doing a shot is unpatriotic. You know how I fall for that.
I will come to your office dressed as a bloody mary, hug you then leave is that a good plan?
yes. bring a barf bucket too. just. in. case.
A man can only lie in bed watching COPS for so long before he wants to do things that can lead him to starring on the show.
IM HUNGOVER AT MOTHERS DAY BRUNCH AND A NUN FROM CHURCH JOINED US
HE LEFT ME THE DAY AFTER I LET HIM PEE ON ME. If you date him after that, I'll leave the fucking PLANET.
Remember the time you puked your contact lens out?
Congrats, you are the first person our bartender ever met that actually needed wheeled out of a bar in a wheelchair. He said you were his hero.
Randomize
